By “they” i mean myself. It all started on an ordinary Tuesday night. I had just completed a long (overdue) study session, made myself a scrumptious dinner. It was time to have a relaxing shower before heading off to bed. I was lathering myself up in my Aesop body cleanser when my mind wondered until an intrusive thought had barged itself to my consciousness:
WHat am i doing with my life? WHy am i here for?
What Do I Want to do with my one precious life?
What could have been a calming bath transformed into an anxiety-ridden downpour of contemplations regarding my life purpose. I just remember the song “Bug Like An Angel” by Mitski playing as my mind overwhelmed with fear and fatigue. I felt my eyes welling up with tears but quickly getting washed on by the droplets of water. I stayed in that shower for at least 30 minutes (i’m truly sorry for the water waste😭) before forcing myself to get out.
this was literally me crying in the shower and then also thinking about how hot i would look then wondering why.
So What Is An Existential Crisis?
Gotta ask my bestie Google to help me out here. The best definition i got is that an existential crisis refers to the ensemble of feelings and questions we have to do with the meaning and purpose of our life. These questions aren’t easy to find answers to, and this can leave us feeling stuck.1
Personally, I would describe it as a feeling of anxiety over trying to find a meaning behind why we exist. Specifically for me, i’m having a crisis about what future prospects i would like to pursue. Because in this real scary world, every choice you make matters. It’s no longer about being a chef by cracking a few eggs. You can’t even be a chef without going to cooking school in the modern context.
Unfortunately, like every other university student, these are probably the most pivotal years of my life where my choices can determine my future. But how can i choose a career when theres are so many factors that could affect it? What if i hate the choices i made 10 years from now? Or if technology and AI wipe out my chosen field? Or given that i can only choose one, should i choose something that is financially secure vs something that makes me happy? What exactly do i want to do in life?
I’m sorry if i gave you an existential crisis but hold on! Let me show you the light at the end of the tunnel.
Having An Existential Crisis Is For BADDIES Only 😤
If you related to anything i wrote above, congratulations!! Wait what? Why am i congratulating your soul-crushing experience? Let me borrow some words from another blogger:
Existential crisis is the breakdown of the self/ego. It’s the beginning of the realisation that you might not be who you thought you were all along.
`This will bring into question EVERYTHING of the old self. All your motivations, desires, goals, personality, values etc… will be on the chopping block. Once you realise this, most, if not everything you valued will fall to the wayside.
An existential crisis means that you are starting to find yourself, your true self. And if you follow that path to its conclusion, you’ll find that life is much simpler than what it was before, that your self is an illusion and much of what we give value to in life, has little to no meaning; certainly not in the way we thought of as before.
Sounds amazing doesn’t it? Having a crisis means you had the courage to look deep within yourself and figure out what you want to do in your life. You have put everything you have known in your entire life under a microscope and asked yourself ” What is it that truly matters to me?” and that introspection will allow you to understand your inner self better. Even if you come out of this existentialism without a definite resolution or choice, this crisis would have made you evaluate your life from differing perspectives and help cut out any part of your life that is unneeded.
The truth is, no one has it all figured out. But by dealing with change and the uncomfortable anxiety, you get another chance to align yourself with the purpose you have identified for yourself. So if you are going through a crisis, take it in your stride, you are not alone and you are stronger than you think. You will come out renewed and with a refined outlook on life.
But How Do I Solve My Existential Crisis?
Honestly, as i am writing this, i am still in the middle of understanding and defining my own purpose. But i find that reading about other people’s perspectives and their input has been extremely helpful. I will be posting a bunch of different links below for anyone who is interested. But I will suggest three main remedies that were personally helpful for me.
Find Help Stat!
This was the first thing i did was to reach out to friends and family. The truth is, if you have a great support system to rely on, you can overcome anything together. The minute i got out the shower, i texted my friend groups, sounding off that i was not okay and i needed help. I used to be one of those people who built so many boundaries and refused any form of help but i’ve certainly come a long way since then. The next morning I texted my brother, and then had a conversation with another friend. Every single one of them offered great advice and provided me with the much needed comfort that i was not alone in this.
I am also planning to talk to a career development planner to sound off any worries and my counsellor for more guidance as to dealing with this anxiety. If you feel like you can’t talk to anyone in your current life, feel free to drop me a message on my Instagram(linked below) and i will be happy to help you in your time of need 🙂
a lovely convo between my brother and i
Self Care in Trying Times
Whether you have 5 steps or 50 steps, its vital that you focus on yourself and create a self care routine or adjust your self-care routine if it’s too complicated for your current mental state. I used to workout everyday and had a complicated day and evening skin care routine after my shower. I’ve now lowered to workouts to 4/5 times a week and use the remaining days to take a stroll in the park, read a book or watch a movie. My skincare routine has also been simplified to just toner, moisturiser and sunscreen. I also turn to writing to help express my feelings and thoughts instead of keeping them all in my head. Here are some suggestions for self care:
Meditation / Daily affirmations / Praying
Exercise (Could be a Walk, Gym, Swimming)
Proper sleep schedule
Healthier eating (Not a diet, just changing to healthier alternatives)
Exploring your hobbies
Take it Day by Day
It’s overwhelming, i totally understand. But start by taking it one day at a time. I always tell others that growth and healing not linear. We can take a step today and 5 step backwards tomorrow. It doesn’t matter. It’s more important that you acknowledge the progress you have made and do your perceived best day by day. There is no rush in finding the person you are meant to be. Take your time in discovering yourself. That journey is far more important than the end result to me.
Concluding Thoughts
There is a rise in people going through an existential crisis with 19.4% experiencing it for 3-6 months and 34.7% of people still going through it (only been a week for me and i’m over it 💀) .3 This means that are more people in their crisis era than you might think. But I hope that reading this made you feel a little better. I know that writing this post certainly made me more at peace with my mind. At the end of the day, i think that life should be about doing what makes you happy and fulfilled. As long as you keep that in mind, every decision you make will always be the right one. As always, let me know if you enjoyed reading this post and let me know your thoughts!
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